introducing whimsy and love on those dreary lonely nights
chivalry may be dead, but romantic dressing and living will never die.
I, for one, am so sick of the notion that romance is dead. It is not. As a lover of love, a child of Aphrodite (and all the beauty and chaos it brings), it is easy to get swept up in the notions of romance as an interaction and not as a feeling. Romance is more than just dating. It’s about bringing an energy that sustains inspiration to life. Loving life, and seeing the world through a hazy, Cupid-blessed lens.
No, romance isn’t dead, but I agree that chivalry and the magic of loving privately definitely is (to some extent). Even British Vogue agrees, where writer Chante Joseph talks about the devolution of romance from true love to performative online peacocking: “There’s nothing I hate more than following someone for fun, only for their content to become “my boyfriend”-ified suddenly,” she says. “This is probably because, for so long, it felt like we were living in what one of my favourite Substackers calls Boyfriend Land: a world where women’s online identities centred around the lives of their partners, a situation rarely seen reversed.” Partners are no longer people we love, but assets to capitalise on. We’ve forgotten the old practices of romance in favor of praise and recognition for merely “having” love.
It’s not a requirement to have a relationship with another person to live romantically. Many people, myself included, are finding ways to romanticise life, with and without a partner. By living life with whimsy and love, true love, filled to the brim with beauty and practices that emphasise romantic notions.
step I: set the stage
Romanticism starts at home, so the ambience matters. Take out your favorite bedsheets, fluff your pillows, and turn the ambient lighting on to create the ideal atmosphere for dreaming and relaxing.
Opt for old medieval styles fused with gothic elements for the upcoming winter, with DIY canopy bed drapings filtering the light of the sun or the candles you light while you read. Vintage furniture and old (but clean) tapestries
Music should also help set the tone. Personally, I like to opt for jazz and classical with a bit of showtune mixed in– and of course, because it’s Winter, I play Tchaikovsky and medieval-sounding tunes.
step II: dress the part
Adorn your favorite outfits with gold and silver, and wear that piece of clothing you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Dress like the person you wish you could become, or like a fictional character from your favorite show. You can even style yourself to match your book, like I tend to do.
My favorite type of dress at home when I try to romanticise is the kind that flows and feathers around me. See-through, Victorian night gowns are my current go-to, along with soft princess dresses.
step III: allow yourself to dream
No romantic routine is complete without whimsy. Add on some extra rose-tinted wonder to daily rituals like cleaning, reading, walking outside, doing the groceries… you can make your most difficult chore into something more intentional and therefore beautiful.
step IV: pursue offline
Stop doomscrolling- put that phone down and look outside the window. When you pursue a life outside the confines of your pixel prison you realise that there is so much more to romance than the aesthetics. Instead of watching others read and do art, do it yourself! That’s the real way to embody the vibe you wish to be perceived in. Aesthetics are merely visual, and you’re not living unless you actually go out and live, remember that.
step V: find a third space
Explore your city, your neighborhood. Search for hidden libraries, coffee shops, parks. Do it without a map if you can. It doesn’t need to be social media pretty, it just needs to be social.
Living a romantic life doesn’t mean having a partner. Write a new love story for yourself, one without the limits of a relationship. Center your life around the self and fulfillment, and sprinkle whimsy into every little thing you do.
Until the next lovely night,
